Earl hurled his question across the table, “Hey Schott! What’s your deal? You’re not married, so where’re you getting it from?”

No one said anything, but they all looked at Tim. Only Earl noticed the pause.

Tim replied, “Well that reminds me, actually, of a phone call I got from my mother the other day. She said, ‘Tim, I was at a funeral this weekend, and they buried him in this lot in St. Bonaventure in Northbrook. I told your father that we need to make sure we have a nice resting place like that when we die, so we’re going back up there to look at some spaces. You should come with us.’

“I said, ‘Well, Mom, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m pretty healthy. I don’t think I’ll be on my way out anytime soon.’ But I went anyway. It never hurts to look.

“So I went with my mom and dad to this cemetery. My dad and I are sitting there, and my dad is there, smoking his pipe, and we’re just looking at each other like, ‘What are we even doing here?’ as my mom is flying around this place with her little map checking out every spot available.

“But it was as beautiful as she said. It’s a perfectly nice place, tucked back against Green Acres Country Club, with beautiful rolling green hills.

“So I bought two!”

Tim heard a tiny audible exhale from every woman at the table. Earl sipped his wine but didn’t say anything.